Hey all, sorry for my long absence, I have been a very busy Heathen practicing the virtues of self-reliance and industriousness – in other words I have been breaking my back! Work has left little room for much else than sleeping and eating. However, the war is won and I have received a promotion that while requiring equal or more hours, will be less physically strenuous so perhaps I will have the meggin to be able to dust off the old keyboard and get back to writing!
I have entitled this posting as such for a reason. Over the last summer I had the opportunity to consume psilocybin mushrooms in a ritualized fashion for the purpose of receiving spiritual understanding. The experience was the strangest I have ever had, and it seems to have changed the very ego-self that I call “me”. The jury is still out to whether this change has been for the better or the worse. I am less happy than I was before the experience, but then again, I am also more mature, less given over to fantastical thinking – more pragmatic. Strange that a hallucinogen, the stuff of psychedelic rock’n’roll and hippy infamy, could actually straighten out a youngster like myself.
I cannot explain in words to you, dear readers, what the trip was like, simple english does not do it justice. Suffice it to say, if you have ever eaten them, you know what I am talking about. After choking down the foul crunchy things and drinking about a gallon of orange juice I found myself in a world that was so beautiful, so alive and enthralling that I was filled with a childlike joy and energy, tearing my shirt off and running through the woods, getting nose to nose with boulders and listening intently to what they had to say. I wanted to climb a tree and never re-enter the world of humans. Indeed I felt a distinct loathing and fear of humanity, and this loathing has remained.
The sun hung like a golden god above us, casting down palpable shafts of amber caresses. The world was alive. . .really alive! I think that was the deepest and most profound awakening I had. Sure I, like and good Heathen, had theologically held that the Earth was a live, theoretically a self-aware entity, I worshipped Jorth and poured beer and buried wheat in Her honor, but I didn’t know that She was alive, beyond a reasonable doubt, I still held my skepticism that living in our modern age has infected all of us with. So, seeing her living, breathing, thinking – that was revelatory! To see the twisting draconid shapes in the storm clouds, and see. . .really see the sinuous elemental beasts that rule the air and winds.
Of course there were dark revelations as well. I saw with the same certainty man’s animal nature, our small and insignifigant part in the cellular make-up of our mother Jorth. I saw through the hyperbole of humanity, how foolish and insane all these little specks of life were, running about declaring themselves godlet of this tradition, or high king of this nation. Our pretension knows no bounds, nor does our cruelty or our wrathful destruction of the very Mother that sustains us. Mankind has taken itself out of context, and seeking the do the same to everything around it. How then, shall we know how to live, without context or natural purpose?
The mushroom messenger showed me the animal, plant and elemental kingdoms, but it showed me nothing of our Shining Ones, I saw no Gods, recieved no comforting messages from the dieties I thought knew me so well. As I said, I was given over to fantastical thinking before, now I understand that the Gods dwell within us, they are the noetic power of the collective human soul in all it’s beauty and all it’s horror. Mother Jorth is here among us, every day. She is closest, to her bosom we can literally crawl and find succor. Please, fellow humans. . .don’t rape your mother.
In closing, the focus of this blog will shift slightly from a “let’s all stroke our egos while we eloquently slash each other up in debate” to “let’s get real”, the blog is going to be about Heathenism, about the issues and so forth, but it is also going to be about larger things, like how our religion should be effecting the world, or why the current consumer culture of the Global Economy is going to be the death knell of our species.
I think entheogens are useful and powerful and should be considered a step in reaching understanding, but these plants should be approached with utmost respect and healthy fear, for every time you consume one of these plant guides, you offer up your personality indeed your entire Self to the altar of sacrifice. Learn from Odhinn, pluck your eye out, hang from the tree, seek wisdom, but do so with care if you love your Self too much.